So I think my title is pretty clever, eh? Made you want to read it, maybe? Here's my dilemma: I'm breast-feeding and not sure when, how, if I should continue or stop. I'm going to ramble on and on because I'm needing this time to reflect and you get to hear it. (lucky you) Anyhoo-I am BFing my 6 month old daughter. It has been a serious milestone for me because I wasn't successful with Big Brother. I tried and tried (and cried and cried) and finally gave up. We lasted MAYBE 2 1/2 months. I was more successful pumping, so that is what I did.
This time; however, I was able to make it work. It has been a blessing. I have pretty much exclusively breastfed Miss Bug since birth. I've pumped here and there and she's had a bottle of formula a few times so I could have some freedom (or a break from hurting boobs), so it's not like she won't take the bottle. We just don't give it to her much. The thing is that summertime is coming and I'm starting to itch for some freedom. I guess my biggest reason is b/c I know I'm going to be out and about and I'm not crazy about bfing in front of other people. In particular I have a friend that I go to the beach with quite often in the summer and I know that she'll be uncomfortable. Plus she has a 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son that I know she won't want to have to explain what I'm doing to them. So that is reason #1 (not b/c it is most important, though--these are in random order). I know it shouldn't really be a reason b/c I shouldn't care what other people think, but it still bothers me. #2 I'll also be going to the neighborhood pool and don't want to whip it out there. I'm modest. I'm also not graceful when using a blanket or towel. I'm awkward with it. (though I could work on that) #3. I'm SICK SICK SICK of my boobs being big. They are big anyway, but now I've had to buy bigger shirts and I'm sick of them. This is probably my biggest reason for considering weaning. For example, I got out a cute Kelly green sweater to wear and looked at myself in the mirror and was horrified at my chest. It looked like my boobs were headed north, but facing east and west. EEEEECCCKKKKKK! It just made my mood sour. So, I went to my black collection and picked something there. I do have the Medella nursing bras, but there's only so much a bra can do for a woman who is a 33DDD though it feels like a 33ZZZ! I don't mean to seem so drama, but it REALLY REALLY bothers me. Many people don't see that I'm large-chested, but that is because I hide ie pretty well. I'm a 34DD (or larger sometimes) when I'm not breastfeeding. Back to my reasons: #4. I would like the freedom of having the hubby do the bottle sometimes--like before bedtime or in the morning when we all wake up--then I could have my coffee FIRST. #5. Sand + breastmilk = Possibly Sticky & Gross
*Also, I've had to wear a bra 24/7 since I gave birth.....
BUT then there are the wonderful attributes to bfing. #1. I know it is SO wonderful for my little one. I know that. #2 I do like the bonding (though I am one of those that believe you still bond with a bottle). #3. It is SUPER convenient-available and ready 100% of the time. #4. It is only for a short amount of time. I think the most important is how good it is for her. That is huge for me. Here are the other things--I don't want to pump to slowly wean her off and mix formula and expressed milk. I don't want to be super engorged too. PAIN IN MY ASS
So there you have it--advice and opinions are welcome on any of the above material. Help me figure this one out. I feel like I'm Wilma Whiner, but I really do need some advice even though I know that it is ultimately my decision. I also thought someone might have some wonderful plan that I've not thought of that would help. I think also b/c it is the summertime that it makes me want to quit so I'll feel more free. If it wasn't, I probably wouldn't be feeling this way yet.
Plus, I just looked up some images of bfing to put at the top of this blog and it kind of grossed me out seeing all those boobs. What is my problem? Do I just have boob issues? I did see Ashley's blog (Ashley's Closet) a while back about boobs and it did make me feel better (she had a bunch of pics) b/c those boobs were SCARY. I would attach the link for you, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. My boobs aren't ugly, just big. Maybe we just need to discuss my boob issues and not breastfeeding issues? Shi-ot, one more thing I'm needing to deal with.....HELP ME OUT!
Just thinking right before I post this--I wasn't necessarily grossed out by the pics, I think it was just the ones that people were all 'out there' showing everything, and I'm not about that. And don't get me wrong, I don't get grossed out by people I see doing it--friends, family, people at the mall, whatever--it is the ones who have no couth when doing it......
Oh my gosh, give me a glass of Pinot Grigio someone, quick! (and yes, I partake some while breastfeeding so that isn't one of my reasons to stop....yet)