Monday, November 3, 2008

Here we go again......

So, I don't really have to type much on this post per say. All I am going to do is do a cut&paste from my email. The first one is an update I sent out to family and friends (the orange part). The second part is my MIL's response (the green part). The third is my response to her email-orange again.

Hello everyone! A few updates:

-Thanks so much for the phone calls and birthday wishes on Facebook, etc...! I had a good day--including birthday song and cake from my family!

-Big Brother is almost well, seeing as how it has been OVER two weeks since his tonsil/adenoid surgery! He still has a cough. We are working on that. He still strains a little when he swallows, but the doctor gave us the OK to eat whatever he wants starting today. I'm sure when we pop some popcorn tonight for a snack he will be SOOO excited!


-Several of you have asked about my cousin, who was diagnosed with cancer. He is doing better. He has been going through rounds of chemo, still has his hair, and is keeping up with a positive attitude! I will see him over Thanksgiving. For those of you who have asked for his address, I will be sending it individually to your email.

-Here are some Halloween pictures. The kids did great and Miss Bug trick-or-treated as long as Big Brother did--the party animal that she is! Then she was OUT and Big Brother loved giving out the candy.

We hope you had a fun one..and would love to see pictures of you, too!
Love ,
Mad about Plaid Girl Family


Dear Mad About Plaid Girl,

Since you did not mention receiving cards or gifts through the mail, are you saying that you did not receive our birthday card and check? We sent it in plenty of time - along with Halloween cards for Big Brother and Miss Bug.

I don't know anything about Facebook.

Loved the pictures.

MIL



Yes, I received your cards. The one for me and the ones for the kids. Thank you very much. That was included in the 'well wishes on Facebook, etc' part. The kids liked their cards and John enjoyed playing with his--the cut-outs, etc. A thank-you for the money has already been mailed out.

Did you get any trick-or-treaters?


So would you like to decide for yourself on how I'm feeling? I tried to be cordial. I even asked if she got any trick-or-treaters! I'm still waiting for a response to that one.

She is upset because I didn't recognize/acknowledge HER. And they didn't call me on my birthday for the first time ever since Hubby and I have been married. I am well aware that she didn't call me. She is well aware of it, too. I have to admit, in all honesty, I didn't talk to them on either of their birthdays. Hubby called them. They are his parents for crying out loud. This is not uncommon. Sometimes I talk to them on their bdays. Sometimes I don't. I did make sure that presents and cards were sent and on time for each of their birthdays. And it was my handwriting on the cards or packages that were mailed out!

It is like everything has to be turned around to be about her. She wants recognition all the time, for everything. She didn't even give me a chance to say thank you to her yet. My bday was on the 30th. I got the cards on that day (so much for 'sending them in plenty of time' as her email states), and mailed out my thank-you promptly on the 31st.

SOOOO, in the last 48 hours, I've made some decisions:

#1. I'm not opening any of her emails for now. I can't take it. It puts me over the edge--cranky, uptight, pissed off, hurt. Hubby told me to forward them to him and then immediately delete them. I'm all over that. This was the ONLY email I've sent out since the blow-up in July and this is how she responds. I'd like to block her, but that would start another blow-up and I'm trying to be the bigger person.

#2. I will no longer email her updates. I am even going to have HIM send the pics if he wants her to have some.

#2. I've called a counselor. I'm seeking professional help. If I'm going to have to have her in my own home over Christmas (yes, you read it correctly) and my husband's 40th birthday, I've got to be prepared mentally and emotionally. I've talked to my friends until I am blue in the face. This usually works. It isn't working. I need someone who can arm me with the words and confidence and power to not let her upset me.

I feel pretty good about it. I can't get in until next week and when she said, "What is the nature of the situation you are needing to discuss?" I told her, "My MIL--she's about to drive me crazy." And she said, "Oh girl. They can do that to you." It was funny. I don't go until next week. I'm wondering if I can bring a cot in and just park myself there for a day or two to have some detox time. You think they'd let me? HA!

14 comments:

Mom on the Run said...

I delete my MIL's emails, too. She makes me crazy so I just ignore her. This bugs the crap out of her, so I feel like I have the upper hand. I also make DOTR send all the birthday cards and gifts to his parents now because I don't see him knocking himself out to get MY parents birthday/Christmas gifts, etc.

I quit giving MIL pictures of the kids when she started giving them back. Seriously. DOTR's grandma did the same thing. I guess they don't need those pictures since the kids don't look like that anymore? WTF? After a couple of years on one of our rare visits, she said "I don't have any new pictures of the kids" and I told her she wasn't getting anymore because she always gave them back, so I figured she must not want them.

Crazy mother in laws are everywhere. My deepest sympathies.

(hey, does yours masquerade as the biggest holy roller in town, too? some fun.)

Mrs. Newlywed said...

Do we have the same MIL? I refer to mine on the blog as devil in law [DIL for short].

It is out of control. As much as I feel sorry for you, it is nice to know I am not alone. We live over 13 hours away, and she can STILL find ways to try to ruin my life. Luckily Mr. Newlywed is completely on my side [and I hope Mr. Plaid is on yours].

I am going to take up some of your advice to yourself. I need to do something about my toxic relationship with her.

Randall said...

I think it is good for you to take control of the situation, not control her but learn to handle it. Mental professionals can do wonders, I hope it goes well :)

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

OMG...been there...

I think you're doing all the right things. It's his mom, he can deal with her.

HUGS!

Kate said...

I don't even know this woman and I'm annoyed!

Two Little Lambs said...

I share your pain girl! My MIL has NEVER acknowledged my birthday or even worse my kids birthdays-her Grandkids! I send out cards, sometimes a week early and get no thank you. So much for thinking about others when you don't get it in return.....I wish I had a therapist to help me deal with my own MOM and MIL at times!!!!

Preppy 101 said...

Hey - so sorry that you have to deal with this - again, again, again, and again :) But I really think you are handling it the correct way. And deleting the emails - YES... I have always felt and taught my kids that if someone in your life does not lift you up, then they need to be moved to the "outer circle" of your friends... but honey - Christmas and your hubby's b'day. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Good luck with the therapist. That will take care of the problem. For the b'day - you and hubby should go somewhere special and let her/him bbsit...;)

The wife said...

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this...and that you are going to have to open your home to the ole she-devil over the holidays! Due to my own MIL's crazy behaviour I've managed to never ever have to see her on an actual holiday! I'm trying, like you, to be the bigger person and I've agreed to head her way for Thanksgiving this year. Hopefully, it will buy me some time before I have to see her again! Please pass along any of the coping mechanisms you learn. From the looks of things several of us could use the help!

ExtraordinaryMommy said...

It is a little like being in a club...those of us who struggle with MILs....I understand what you are going through. I think it is FANTASTIC that you are letting your husband deal with her (and that it seems he is supportive of you!) And...talking to an unbiased/unrelated person will likely be just what you need. Good luck!

Surf Girl said...

I'm so sorry she is stressing you out. I know I've said it before...but I am so there with you. I did the professional help thing - it really does wonders!! Good luck! (and good for Mr. Plaid for sticking by you!!)

P said...

Wow,girl, you've got yourself a sticky situation!
Maybe talking about it with a professional really will help.
You make me feel so lucky. My MIL got p'off a long time ago, like 12 yrs. ago, and I haven't had to deal with her since! Yea!

Jen said...

I love my MIL but my husband's MIL is a complete nut. So through his pain, I can feel for yours. Hope the shrinkage helps! It always makes me feel better!

5 Boys And Me said...

Oh man - so familiar - would love to hear what the professional has to say - maybe I can steal the advice - mine is coming for Christmas also and I am already dreading it soooo bad....

Mona said...

Seeking professional help is an excellent choice! Hang in there and good luck!!