I must think of a more clever way to title my MIL drama posts. If you have any ideas, give me a shout. (And if you are new to the blog, just go to my labels and click on the MIL drama and you can get updated on the MIL situation.)
Here's the latest email from her. I just thought I'd copy and paste it. And to keep you up-to-date, I had sent out an email on how Big Brother was doing after having his tonsils and adenoids removed last Thursday. I changed his name to protect the innocent (*wink*wink*)
Here is what she says:
Good morning,
We are delighted and thankful that Big Brother's surgery went so well. Always be assured that all of you are in our daily prayers.
Please give Big Brother a kiss and hug for us and tell him how much we love him.
I am just now getting around to mailing Miss Bug's birthday card. We will have to give some thought for a present. I am sure she has everything she needs and most of what she wants. But there will be a present.
Thank you for the update,
MIL
And just so you know, I'm not even responding to this email. I've about decided that I'm going to have my husband read the emails and if he thinks I should/need to read them, then I will. Otherwise, I'm deleting them. She sends them to him, too, so he can be the communicator. It is about the only thing I can do other than really going off on her. I keep telling myself (and receiving gentle reminders from the husband) to be the bigger person. I swear to you people, I'm 5'2" but she makes me reach about 7 feet. I am telling you, I can't get much bigger, taller, whatever. I'm going to need handicap access very soon at the rate I'm going.
Am I just being too sensitive? The first paragraph about Big Brother didn't really bother me. Yes, he was supposed to have his surgery on the 6th. They were to be on their trip to Italy. They said they'd pray, yadda, yadda, yadda. But no phone call was to be expected. (I won't be like that when I have grandkids, but whatev.) Then his surgery got postponed due to freaking Strep throat coming on the night before, so I sent out an email about that. So, they got home on the 15th, and, as expected, were jetlagged. That is fine. But when Husband called them on the 16th in the afternoon to update them on Big Brother's surgery, his dad says that he knew it was postponed because he checked his email when he got home.
OK, so why no phone call? Still, this doesn't really set me over the edge or make my blood pressure rise.
But the part about Miss Bug's FIRST FREAKING BIRTHDAY and how she hasn't gotten around to sending a card, and that 'I"m sure she has everything she needs and most everything she wants....." is obnoxious.
The point is that she is your granddaughter.
She turned one.
It's the THOUGHT THAT COUNTS..........hellllloooooooooo?
And please, don't break a sweat making sure that you send her a present. Really, don't bother. We wouldn't want to put you out or anything.
Can you guys tell I'm so incredibly pissed off at her? I can't even stand it. It just makes my eyes bulge out and smoke blow out of my nose!!! And I know this is blogger world, so I shouldn't drop the F bomb in every other word, so if you are an F bomb kind of girl, please place it where you see necessary, or just place it in between every other word, because that is how I'm feeling!!!!
So am I too sensitive?
I just want to go off. I just want to shout to the rooftops that she is missing out on one of the best things in life--children/grandchildren. MY CHILDREN! HER GRANDCHILDREN! But then I just remember that she would hurt them anyway because she is so selfish, so it is better that we keep our distance. I remain calm in her eyes and just don't respond. But girls, in my own little closet here where my computer is, I'm really really mad. And really really hurt.
I have wondered why I blog and what it does for me. And I'm beginning to realize that this might turn into one of the best things in my life--a way for me to vent, be 'heard' and find support from others.
Thanks for listening! And I've not forgotten about posting pics from Miss Bug's birthday party last week. They are still coming! :)
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14 comments:
Argh!!! I can relate to MIL posts. I've been lax on posting on my blog. I still need to get some birthday pics up of the twins. I also need to post my MIL situ of the weekend. I think you'll be able to relate.
You can do what I do and refer to the "problem" in-laws as outlaws! Just a thought.
And I can relate about the First Birthday situation. My wonderful father-in-law who I really adore, missed my 5 year olds first birthday because it is the day before his daughter's birthday. She still has not forgiven him about being with me in the hospital instead of with her for her birthday! He has never spent Kyla's birthday with her...because he doesn't want to upset the *EVIL* one.
I would hit the roof too. I don't think you are being over sensitive. My bday was in Sept and I did not get a phone call (IL's) and I was upset...I never mentioned it to my husband but some of my friends thought it was no big deal. I don't agree.
A "first" bday is a big deal...I would be MAD!!!!!
Hang in there. At least you can blog about it....I am way to paranoid to do that. I know I would get caught!!!!!!!
Uggg! I swear there should be a support group formed! Can you ever be too sensitive when it comes to your kids? Really, I would be so pissed and yes this has happened to me too.
I can totally relate. Just know that you are not crazy and the rest of us feel the pang when you write about this. Anytime you need to vent you can vent to me honey. I'm sending you hugs!!
I can so relate to your in-law trouble - I remember reading your last post and thinking how familiar it all sounded - I am scared to post about mine on my blog - I don't know why, but my MIL is horrible and it just seems to keep getting worse instead of better. All I can say is I feel for you. There really should be a support group b/c I feel like all my real-life friends have perfect in-laws and think I'm crazy...
I'm so sorry! I could do 100 MIL posts but I refrain because hubby is so touchy about it. I know she embarrasses him and hurts his feelings and it is SO hard for me to hold my tongue (and I don't always, believe me). The thing is, the times that I lost my temper...well, it felt good in the moment but didn't accomplish a darned thing except that I showed my you know what for all the world to see. (I'm glad you're keeping it in the computer closet). I feel your pain...VENT away via the blog and you're probably right...let your husband deal with her. It always works better when my husband handles it. Hope this helps.
You are NOT over-reacting!!! I know how it feels and it is horrible. I am sending hugs your way. If it makes you feel any better, my mother-in-law didn't send gifts when either of my children were born and she NEVER gets their bday cards to them on time despite having nothing else to do. And, to top it off, my first born looks EXACTLY like her!!!
I am a MIL... and I would N-E-V-E-R act like that. I am honestly speechless here. You are not overreacting or being too sensitive. I mean these are your babies she is neglecting ... I could go on and on about how she should be acting, how I can tell from reading your blog that you are an awesome person, mother, wife - and how you would be just the most fun to have as a DiL, how your kids are just precious and would bring JOY to her life every single day, how she will regret this someday, how she is hurting her son, too. I adore my DiL. And I am daily taken aback at how so many of you precious girls - and grandchildren here - are treated by your M'siL. I am so sorry - but you know - in the end, she is the LOSER in this whole thing. And I use that word on every level and in every meaning. And if I have spoken out of turn here, I apologize. But, I mean really...
When I first read the mail I thought it seemed "okay"...BUT of course since you have that history with them, YOU are able to read between the lines and can spot the little "digs" that she gets in.
And I can't belieeeeve that she thinks you all use them -- uh, their his parents and they should be happy to see you no matter what. That's what parents & grandparents are there for! You are family for crying out loud. Geeze!
Know that you are not alone. The 'outlaws' are who they are, and most likely will not ever change their behavior. But you can change yours. You are going to have to accept this rejection, and move on in a positive way that does not hurt your minis. The minis sense you are upset. If the grandparents don't want to spend time with your minis, that is truly their loss. Let your hubby deal with his parents. You just make sure your children have happy birthdays, holidays and lives with no bitterness and anger undercurrents. Don't allow the outlaws to make you unhappy, it's just not worth it! Trust me I know first hand.
It's best to stay in the computer closet on this subject and vent away! Hang in there!
Are you a long lost SIL of mine that I knew nothing about?! Or maybe your MIL is my MIL's sister? I feel your pain!! I inserted the F bomb in several places for you!
You are definitely not alone! Don't let them get you down! I haven't spoken to my SIL since June - and the holidays are just around the corner. Aargh. You know I'll have to be the one to speak first. I agree with the others - they should be called outlaws!
(I left you a little something on my blog...maybe it will make you feel a little better!)
FUCK Her! Kill her with kindness and only you can control how YOU feel. Don't let her be a bother, continue to include her and if she declines and chooses not, oh well, her loss, she is missing out on 2 darling children. I wonder what kind of Mother she was.. What does hubby say..
oh my dear, dear friend. What can I say that hasn't already been said here? I know, I really truly know what a nightmare this is. You are so not alone. All I can think of (and trust me when I say I have spent YEARS thinking on this subject!) is that some Mothers of boys/men get their entire self worth from being just that. Then, when boy grows up and marries cool rockstar wife who then transitions into cool rockstar Mom, MIL feels threatened and somehow insecure in who they are. She feels like you've out-shone her; your kids are amazing and happy, your house is cute and clean (well, at least when MIL comes to visit!), and Hubby loves you and is proud of you. YOu have HER life, is what she is thinking. The life SHE used to have. Not that this is in anyway your doing. This is what happens (I truly believe) when women who are Moms don't get any self worth from any other area in their lives. We have to pursue our passions in life and not feel guilty about it, because one day WE will be Mothers in Laws and we CANNOT...WILL not....be like those we have to deal with now!
You just keep on rockin girlfriend. You are LOVED.
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