MIL drama continued

Ladies, I don't really know where or how to start this one. I'll probably have to get more in-depth when I have a longer amount of time to tell you everything. I'll try to give it to you in a nutshell:

Inlaws said they wanted to come for Hubby's 40th birthday and Christmas. We said that was fine. We told them that we would have an agreed-upon agenda. They sent 'fluff' email stating that they wanted to 'make memories, sing Christmas carols around the piano and just enjoy 'being' together'. (I swear, this was verbatim...who are we Norman Rockwell?) Well that is what we thought we had been doing for the last several visits.

But after we received the email that they felt like we used them, we decided to take a different route. We set an agenda of what we could do and they said that we sounded militaristic and couldn't move on. The words they used were ones that we were 'cold & unwelcoming'. So, we told them that we weren't being cold, we were just trying to make a plan because we wanted to make sure that no one felt used. They responded with a 'until you can move on and not move backward, thank you but NO THANK YOU'. Those are exact words. We replied stating that we were not moving backward, but rather feeling like we were at a stand-still because we needed answers to these questions and that we couldn't move on until we knew exactly what we did so that we can make it right.

So, that is it. How sad that they have to be so controlling and struggle for power all the time. I feel very badly for my husband most of all. I can't imagine growing up in such a conditional-love atmosphere. He is such a good man and I consider him one of my many blessings to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. And, hubby, when you read this, know how much I love you sweetie, and am so proud of who you are!

I will fill you in if anything else happens!

So Much To Say, So Much To Say....

Title is from a Dave Matthew's song. Which one? I don't remember-unless that is the title already! :)

OK. Here is a serious update. Get something to drink because if I get to tell you all that I want and need to, you'll get thirsty and/or hungry!


First things first:

Psychologist--hmmmmm, how do I make this short? She was an older lady, grey-ish hair, frumpy, etc, which was all fine until she started to pick her ear with her fingernail. She continued to do this until our session ended whereby I found myself staring at the white crumbly deposits left on her black lapel. Needless to say, I was a little distracted. To top it off, while I was rescheduling for my next appointment, she says to me, "My ear is really itching" and then took her fingernail and swiped it around her ear and then flicked it off. EWWWWWW! I just couldn't go back. It took all that was within me not to say anything. I wonder if she noticed how I was just staring at her with my mouth gaping open?

That's my psychology appointment. I did learn (while not watching ear crumbs fall) that this situation with my MIL is not my fault. I did nothing wrong. I will have to realize that this is her problem. Not mine. And that it will never go away. I just have to learn how to deal with it. I basically already knew this, but hearing it from a professional is just what I needed. Now I have to find one that has clean ears. I have another appointment in December. Stay tuned.

Ok. Next on the list. Big Brother has been coughing since having his tonsils and adenoids removed mid-October. The ENT thought it was mucus, etc. from his adenoids. Then when it continued, he put him in Singulair. This did nothing. We have been through a week of Singulair and a full bottle of Delsym and 2 boxes of Mucinex. My next purchase was Zyrtec. This didn't help either. Made an appointment with Pediatrician. Big Brother has Respiratory Airway Disease, or something like that. His Bronchial System is in bad shape. They put him on a Nebulizer, and doing breathing treatments for 3 times a day. 3 TIMES A DAY!!! He's on that thing like 20 minutes at a time. They put him on Pulmacort and Xenopex or something like that. One takes care of the 'immediate' situations and one is for 'maintenance'. Big Brother was less than enthusiastic to breathe through a mask. They even found a cute fishy one. He wasn't having it. I go to hold the tube in front of his face while he took in the meds.

We just did another one. He did better and let Daddy put on the mask. We had to go and get a Nebulizer at the hospital too. Man, this must happen to so many kids. These Nebulizer people are making bundles! He had so many to choose from--a penguin, a cow, a yellow taxi, etc., and the one he picked was Legos. You build with Legos on the dang thing. Of course he'd find one that has toys to go with it. I told him those are his Breathing Treatment Legos and he can only play with them when he is doing his breathing treatments. So far, so good. We'll see. He's way into the Legos.


Miss Bug has some sort of virus which means she has a fever and can't go to school which means I can't go to work! This also means that she is up at least half the damn night crying and yelling at me! I swear, to be so young she is the boss of this house! I think she was more pissed off than anything. She was up at 11, 3 and then up for the morning at 5am. When I tried to rock her and give her some milk with the intent to put her back in her bed, she did the whole back-arching thing and roaring at me. I got very close to setting her little booty back in her crib, turning on her aquarium and l.e.a.v.i.n.g.

I tried to remember that she feels bad, but it is really hard when you have a small child screaming bloody murder right in your ear and Big Brother is right down the hall! Man o man, what a freaking day. What a week, really!

She went to the Dr. yesterday (yes, we are just making it a daily trip these days...) and he said she had an irritated throat. Checked for strep (Oh Dear God, please don't make me go through this again). It was negative. So, it's viral. Don't send her to babysitter. Don't go to work. He did prescribe her Paregoric for her. She is getting at least 4 teeth--2 of them are molars. And you know that's gotta hurt. Anyone else have any experience with Paregoric?

Ok. Now to the good stuff. I started a job part time at our church. It is Methodist-based, and SOOOOOOOOO cool. I am the Administrative Assistant to the person in charge of Family Ministry. She is the interim Children's Minister right now. My job is a bunch of different things, from filing and paperwork to making brochures and media-type stuff for the Children's Ministry. I really like it. It is part time-20 hours a week and I can work from home quite a bit. I do go in 3 days a week and then on Sunday. I really like it. It is a learning experience and I enjoy the creative outlet...not to mention the fact that I get a break from my beautiful children.

That's all for now. I have a home sales party to go to--which means free desserts and cool things to buy!

Any of you deal with breathing treatments? Dr. is saying not to call it allergies or asthma that it may just be a reaction to some type of virus or Bronchitis that he could've even caught while in the hospital getting his tonsils out! My poor boy has been sick for over a month though!

Busy Busy Busy... a list

#1. How 'bout them Gators? SO thrilled to have them whip up on GA and live here to talk some schmack about it...even if it happens to be at church on Sunday morning!

#2. Will post Halloween pics soon. We have had company in town......not much computer time.

#3. More Mother in Law crap. She is killing me. I swear I'm getting very close to going to get paid help to survive it! Will post that soon. Just not ready to revisit it yet.

#4. Got money for my birthday last week and I'm going shopping soon! WHEW HEW! I turned 36 on the 30th of October.

#5. I love you guys. I love reading my comments and how helpful and supportive you are. Just goes to show that when you have crappy mother in laws that there are so many other people out there who care about you and appreciate and love you for who you really are.

MIL Drama Update

Thanks so much for your support. I took a chance by posting about my MIL and you guys were so kind and supportive. I was surprised to see so many of you have the same problems/situations as I do with MIL's. It's amazing. I guess I should say 'People' are amazing.

I've been seriously contemplating writing her a letter and giving her 'my side' of the story. It wouldn't be used as a means for getting to go off on her (though that would be nice) but just to respond to all of the accusations, etc, that she made while on the phone with me. I felt somewhat blind-sided by what she did. But as I continue to mull over this whole drama in my head I am coming to the conclusion of not doing anything. I know it won't do any good. That wasn't the reason for doing it. It was to be able to respond, give my 2 cents if you will. But I think it will just make me madder in the end. It will just rehash more shit that doesn't need to be rehashed. Let her be the fool who opens her mouth. For a change, I'll be the one to be quiet. And I'm not a quiet person.

I think it will just be easier to let this die. Of course it will be filed away in my mental Rolodex and the next time I am sending out handmade cards with pics of the kids on them, or a cute email that I could share about something my kids did, I'll just bypass her. This is so against my fiber, but I must do it in order to keep myself from getting hurt. I must keep a barrier up. Don't get me wrong. They'll still get the typical birthday cards and presents and holidays will be recognized, but nothing extra. These people are my husband's parents, not mine. We will never see eye-t0-eye and the quicker that I learn to keep them at a distance, the better off I am.

It pains me!

By the way, I do have some blogger awards that have been given to me and I'll attach them in a separate post. Thanks so much for reading, commenting and supporting. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and not crazy..........well at least not alone...the crazy part is yet to be determined!

XOXOXO
Mad About Plaid Girl

A Bit Deeper...

I've kept this blogging thing somewhat 'light' because I'm never sure who is going to read it. My husband reads it, and I'm usually okay with it, though sometimes I wish he didn't. Sometimes I wish it could be 'our little secret--just between us girls'. A girl needs to vent. And that is what I'm about to do:

Here's the story. I don't even know how or where to start. I am having MIL drama. We live about 6 1/2 hours from the in-laws and see them every so often. We had a plan to go and see them this past July when I find out from my MIL that she feels like we use them. Yes, you read it right. She mentions this in passing to my hubby over the phone and when he tells me all that she said I'm like 'hey, back the truck up..she said WHAT?" So, I decide to calmly call her. I tell her that Husband told me that they feel used when we come and visit them. She said that it's not only her but my FIL too. I talk to FIL and he says that he feels used 'sometimes.'

Now let me explain something to you. We live 6 1/2 hours from them. We visit them, ohhh let's say maybe 3 times a year. Husband's brother and sister and their families live there, too. We usually go there, stay about 3 or 4 days. We visit everyone. I'm somewhat close to my SIL so we do some things just us. We usually all have dinner together, and do some stuff together--shopping, check out downtown, that sort of stuff. Many times we've gone there because it was someone's graduation, a bike race, some event going on.

We were going there this time because it was hubby's 20 year high school reunion. So, when I call and ask her this she says yes. Apparently they don't like it that we go and do other things while we are there. Now let me inform you that we do things with them. Sometimes I'll do some things with the MIL, sometimes I'll do things with the SIL. Husband goes and runs errands with his dad or does yard work, etc. I guess what this is coming down to is that they feel like when we go there that we just use them to sleep in their house and then go run around and do stuff.

Well, yes we do go and do stuff...with them. We have never asked them to watch our kids or anything. But we found out that apparently they want us to do more stuff with them.

Don't you think ya could've found a different way to say that?

I know you guys don't know me too well, but let me tell you one thing. I'm a giver. I try to be a really good person. I take the time to send cards 'just because'. I make homemade things for presents when I can. I email updates. I take pictures and send them. I make courtesy phone calls. I have my son call them. I encourage him to make cards, form relationships with them. I even went to Hilton Head one time BY MYSELF to see them and stayed in a room with my 2 children and nephew and breastfed my daughter in the middle of the night with the son and nephew sleeping in the bed next to me and my husband wasn't there.....I went for him....to be nice.........to be a good DIL. Did they help me at all with my kids? Not so much. Will I be doing this again--going over and beyond the DIL call of duty? Not so much.


I told her that in no way would we ever want them to feel like we are using them and that we would not be staying with them for the HS Reunion. Can you believe a parent would say this to a child? I came from a home where it was considered our home........mi casa, su casa.

I'm so hurt. I haven't really said much since then to them. I just can't get over this though. I am struggling with the fact that they think we use them.

And then this past weekend a cousin wanted to go stay with them while he looked into some recruiting of that area's college football team. Is THAT not using someone? I like to call it visiting with perks.

For example: When we lived in Colorado, people would come and visit us and go skiing --without us. Did we feel used? OF course not!

Living here, friends/people have come and stayed with us while they had conventions here. Did we feel used? No, we enjoyed the time they were not at the convention.

We've gone to friend's homes in Orlando and stayed with them and then went to Sea World. Did they feel used? No, they were just bummed that they couldn't go to Sea World with us because of that dang thing called a job!

I'm going to eventually call the MIL. I am going to write down all the things I feel, organize them and make a script type of thing for me to keep my head in order and feelings out there on the table. I feel like she just dropped a bomb on us and then went on about her day, relieved that she'd emptied out her negative feelings on us. I have all these feelings stuffed inside and nowhere to put them.

Here's the problem: will it even make any difference if I talk to her? Probably not...you can't talk rationally to an irrational person. I have to keep telling myself that. She is irrational, selfish and immature....and twice my age.

I'm just so hurt. This is not what a family is like to me. I didn't grow up around this. My parents practically push us out the door to go and do and get away and enjoy what the area has to offer or visit with friends. We go and do as we please and they tell us that their house is as much ours as it is theirs. They tell us to leave the kids and go--enjoy some free time.

Hubby, I'm sorry if you are upset that I'm blogging about this, but it is better than calling up the MIL, wouldn't you say?

I have prayed about this quite a bit too. I am just hurt. I'm sure I've not told you everything about it because I can't remember it all, but I hope this all sounds clear.

After a day or two, my husband called them and told them that we wouldn't be going on our yearly family vacation with them because we don't want them to feel used. He also made the following arrangements (which are ridiculous by the way, but apparently necessary):
#1. We will only visit them when invited.
#2. We will stay in a hotel (I'm so looking forward to spending my money on a mother-freaking hotel stay)
#3. We will have an agreed-upon agenda and if there is a spot in there that there aren't plans with them then we can do whatever the hell we want.

Doesn't that sound inviting? Don't you want to go visit with us?

Pray for me girlfriends. I need it.