Well, we thought we weren't going to have to see or deal with the Inlaws for several months, but like I think I told you, Hubby's older sister is getting re-married (third time is a charm?) and this time she's having a wedding. The first time she eloped, don't know what happened the second time, and now we have her marrying bachelor #3. When Hubby and I got married she was estranged from the family, so I didn't meet her for about 5 or 6 years? I think she was estranged for over 10. Or possibly 15? I can't recall. After giving birth to two children I think your brain just turns to mush...at least mine has.
I do like Husband's sister. She is really nice. I just kind of keep my distance b/c she is random (obviously) and Husband isn't really friendly to her either. We send the typical cards and such, and remember her children's birthdays and graduation. It's actually a pretty easy relationship.
Except now she's having a wedding and we have to come. Not that we have to go. We just want to support her. Shouldn't make everyone suffer just because the inlaws are problematic. So, we are going. We are staying with Husband's brother and sister-in-law. Should be fun. And short. I hope. My MIL is the freaking wedding planner for crying out loud! Husband's sister is a reformed Baptist--reformed meaning she was Catholic. Now she is all about being a Baptist. Not that there's anything wrong with being a Baptist--I grew up as one--but it is just a far cry from being Catholic. That will make things a little more interesting. (chuckle, chuckle)
At least I get to buy a new outfit and buy the kids something new. Hopefully some of the aunts and uncles will be there to dilute everything. That will help. I will let you know as the situation continues.....me and my lovely MIL drama. Still haven't talked to them. MIL did email and ask for some pictures. I wanted to respond with ,"Yeah when hell freezes over." But I didn't. Now that I'm working at my church, I'm trying to be more Christlike. So I could respond with, "When heck freezes over.' HA HA HA. She'll get some when I get around to it.
Husband has travels in the town where his parents live and he is going to see his brother and sister-in-law. They asked the inlaws if they would watch their kids so they could go out to dinner w/my husband and they told them no. They've never told them no before. She thinks it is because they told them that they were going to see my husband. Interesting, don't you think?
Like I said, this wedding should be interesting. I did borrow the book Boundaries, that has been recommended to me. I'm going to try to have it read soon so I can prepare myself of how to deal with them all! Now all I have to do is get it from the floor of my car and actually open it!
I do have an award I need to post about too! So much busier with a job, but it is good for my brain! I am missing all my friends in bloggy world! Don't give up on me and thanks for following! Is it because you just can't resist my lovely MIL drama? :)
Showing posts with label MIL drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MIL drama. Show all posts
Friday, January 9, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Random Thoughts
This should be a lovely, random flow of thoughts right now. I need to update you on my life, and it's been so busy that I'm overflowing with 'stuff', so I'll start with the laundry list and try to go go into detail in future posts.
-My Christmas was wonderful! Kids were great. Big Brother super surprised, etc. My parents were able to come (in-laws backed out--previous post if you are interested) and stayed at the condo on SSI, so it was perfect. They watched the kids a lot and I got to work and shop!
-Have had to work and have Daddy watch kids. Have a little guilt over it. 20 hours is more than you think it is! And if you saw my paycheck you'd think I worked about 10! Working for God does not pay you back monetarily! ha
-Shopped in Jacksonville and found some smoking deals--best one I will share with you--Pottery Barn kids rug 3x5 normally priced at $129.00. I got it for $29.97! I can't even express to you how incredibly exciting that was for me! LOVE THE DEALS when I can get them from PBK.
-Went a little overboard and bought a 5x8 rug from Pottery Barn that was on sale, but still price-y. We had an 8x10 rug that is Pottery Barn that we've had for 5 years and it has been thoroughly abused by all--from small children to the dog--and I saw that it was on sale and so pretty. I'm pretty picky when it comes to a lot of things--including rugs--and it is really pretty. We didn't need the 8 x 10 size, and the 5x8 fits well, it just looks SO small compared to the 8x10. It shows off our hardwood floors, but I'm not 100% convinced it is 'the one'. Damn you Pottery Barn for being so freaking expensive and beautiful! We still have the wrapper and might return it. It's on a trial run right now. I just have a hard time with change, of any kind obviously! I'm such a weird-o.
-Miss Bug is walking---not 100% --but a lot! It is too funny. I forgot how cute they look when they stumble around like drunk old men. Love it!
-My husband's older sister--who we aren't very close to--that's a longgggg story--is getting married for the 3rd time. This time she's having a wedding--in Feb. I thought we were going to be able to avoid the in-laws for several months now that the holidays are over, but nope. Sucks. But we can't punish his sister and not go b/c we are so frustrated by his parents. And no, we still aren't talking to the parents.
-I have a bazillion thank-you cards to write.
-We had Big Brother's 5th birthday party this time last Saturday. It was so fun! That boy has so many toys!
-I have been eating like it is my job--birthday cake, twice-baked potatoes, banana pudding (homemade Martha Stewart meets Paula Dean style), candy, homemade fudge, cookies. I'm salivating just thinking about it! Not. Good.
-I'm mad at Ann Taylor Loft. Their return policy sucks. Beware.
Must go. Have a baby with a dirty diaper and a child that needs a snack.
-My Christmas was wonderful! Kids were great. Big Brother super surprised, etc. My parents were able to come (in-laws backed out--previous post if you are interested) and stayed at the condo on SSI, so it was perfect. They watched the kids a lot and I got to work and shop!
-Have had to work and have Daddy watch kids. Have a little guilt over it. 20 hours is more than you think it is! And if you saw my paycheck you'd think I worked about 10! Working for God does not pay you back monetarily! ha
-Shopped in Jacksonville and found some smoking deals--best one I will share with you--Pottery Barn kids rug 3x5 normally priced at $129.00. I got it for $29.97! I can't even express to you how incredibly exciting that was for me! LOVE THE DEALS when I can get them from PBK.
-Went a little overboard and bought a 5x8 rug from Pottery Barn that was on sale, but still price-y. We had an 8x10 rug that is Pottery Barn that we've had for 5 years and it has been thoroughly abused by all--from small children to the dog--and I saw that it was on sale and so pretty. I'm pretty picky when it comes to a lot of things--including rugs--and it is really pretty. We didn't need the 8 x 10 size, and the 5x8 fits well, it just looks SO small compared to the 8x10. It shows off our hardwood floors, but I'm not 100% convinced it is 'the one'. Damn you Pottery Barn for being so freaking expensive and beautiful! We still have the wrapper and might return it. It's on a trial run right now. I just have a hard time with change, of any kind obviously! I'm such a weird-o.
-Miss Bug is walking---not 100% --but a lot! It is too funny. I forgot how cute they look when they stumble around like drunk old men. Love it!
-My husband's older sister--who we aren't very close to--that's a longgggg story--is getting married for the 3rd time. This time she's having a wedding--in Feb. I thought we were going to be able to avoid the in-laws for several months now that the holidays are over, but nope. Sucks. But we can't punish his sister and not go b/c we are so frustrated by his parents. And no, we still aren't talking to the parents.
-I have a bazillion thank-you cards to write.
-We had Big Brother's 5th birthday party this time last Saturday. It was so fun! That boy has so many toys!
-I have been eating like it is my job--birthday cake, twice-baked potatoes, banana pudding (homemade Martha Stewart meets Paula Dean style), candy, homemade fudge, cookies. I'm salivating just thinking about it! Not. Good.
-I'm mad at Ann Taylor Loft. Their return policy sucks. Beware.
Must go. Have a baby with a dirty diaper and a child that needs a snack.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
MIL drama continued
Ladies, I don't really know where or how to start this one. I'll probably have to get more in-depth when I have a longer amount of time to tell you everything. I'll try to give it to you in a nutshell:
Inlaws said they wanted to come for Hubby's 40th birthday and Christmas. We said that was fine. We told them that we would have an agreed-upon agenda. They sent 'fluff' email stating that they wanted to 'make memories, sing Christmas carols around the piano and just enjoy 'being' together'. (I swear, this was verbatim...who are we Norman Rockwell?) Well that is what we thought we had been doing for the last several visits.
But after we received the email that they felt like we used them, we decided to take a different route. We set an agenda of what we could do and they said that we sounded militaristic and couldn't move on. The words they used were ones that we were 'cold & unwelcoming'. So, we told them that we weren't being cold, we were just trying to make a plan because we wanted to make sure that no one felt used. They responded with a 'until you can move on and not move backward, thank you but NO THANK YOU'. Those are exact words. We replied stating that we were not moving backward, but rather feeling like we were at a stand-still because we needed answers to these questions and that we couldn't move on until we knew exactly what we did so that we can make it right.
So, that is it. How sad that they have to be so controlling and struggle for power all the time. I feel very badly for my husband most of all. I can't imagine growing up in such a conditional-love atmosphere. He is such a good man and I consider him one of my many blessings to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. And, hubby, when you read this, know how much I love you sweetie, and am so proud of who you are!
I will fill you in if anything else happens!
Inlaws said they wanted to come for Hubby's 40th birthday and Christmas. We said that was fine. We told them that we would have an agreed-upon agenda. They sent 'fluff' email stating that they wanted to 'make memories, sing Christmas carols around the piano and just enjoy 'being' together'. (I swear, this was verbatim...who are we Norman Rockwell?) Well that is what we thought we had been doing for the last several visits.
But after we received the email that they felt like we used them, we decided to take a different route. We set an agenda of what we could do and they said that we sounded militaristic and couldn't move on. The words they used were ones that we were 'cold & unwelcoming'. So, we told them that we weren't being cold, we were just trying to make a plan because we wanted to make sure that no one felt used. They responded with a 'until you can move on and not move backward, thank you but NO THANK YOU'. Those are exact words. We replied stating that we were not moving backward, but rather feeling like we were at a stand-still because we needed answers to these questions and that we couldn't move on until we knew exactly what we did so that we can make it right.
So, that is it. How sad that they have to be so controlling and struggle for power all the time. I feel very badly for my husband most of all. I can't imagine growing up in such a conditional-love atmosphere. He is such a good man and I consider him one of my many blessings to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. And, hubby, when you read this, know how much I love you sweetie, and am so proud of who you are!
I will fill you in if anything else happens!
Friday, November 14, 2008
So Much To Say, So Much To Say....
Title is from a Dave Matthew's song. Which one? I don't remember-unless that is the title already! :)
OK. Here is a serious update. Get something to drink because if I get to tell you all that I want and need to, you'll get thirsty and/or hungry!
First things first:
Psychologist--hmmmmm, how do I make this short? She was an older lady, grey-ish hair, frumpy, etc, which was all fine until she started to pick her ear with her fingernail. She continued to do this until our session ended whereby I found myself staring at the white crumbly deposits left on her black lapel. Needless to say, I was a little distracted. To top it off, while I was rescheduling for my next appointment, she says to me, "My ear is really itching" and then took her fingernail and swiped it around her ear and then flicked it off. EWWWWWW! I just couldn't go back. It took all that was within me not to say anything. I wonder if she noticed how I was just staring at her with my mouth gaping open?
That's my psychology appointment. I did learn (while not watching ear crumbs fall) that this situation with my MIL is not my fault. I did nothing wrong. I will have to realize that this is her problem. Not mine. And that it will never go away. I just have to learn how to deal with it. I basically already knew this, but hearing it from a professional is just what I needed. Now I have to find one that has clean ears. I have another appointment in December. Stay tuned.
Ok. Next on the list. Big Brother has been coughing since having his tonsils and adenoids removed mid-October. The ENT thought it was mucus, etc. from his adenoids. Then when it continued, he put him in Singulair. This did nothing. We have been through a week of Singulair and a full bottle of Delsym and 2 boxes of Mucinex. My next purchase was Zyrtec. This didn't help either. Made an appointment with Pediatrician. Big Brother has Respiratory Airway Disease, or something like that. His Bronchial System is in bad shape. They put him on a Nebulizer, and doing breathing treatments for 3 times a day. 3 TIMES A DAY!!! He's on that thing like 20 minutes at a time. They put him on Pulmacort and Xenopex or something like that. One takes care of the 'immediate' situations and one is for 'maintenance'. Big Brother was less than enthusiastic to breathe through a mask. They even found a cute fishy one. He wasn't having it. I go to hold the tube in front of his face while he took in the meds.
We just did another one. He did better and let Daddy put on the mask. We had to go and get a Nebulizer at the hospital too. Man, this must happen to so many kids. These Nebulizer people are making bundles! He had so many to choose from--a penguin, a cow, a yellow taxi, etc., and the one he picked was Legos. You build with Legos on the dang thing. Of course he'd find one that has toys to go with it. I told him those are his Breathing Treatment Legos and he can only play with them when he is doing his breathing treatments. So far, so good. We'll see. He's way into the Legos.
Miss Bug has some sort of virus which means she has a fever and can't go to school which means I can't go to work! This also means that she is up at least half the damn night crying and yelling at me! I swear, to be so young she is the boss of this house! I think she was more pissed off than anything. She was up at 11, 3 and then up for the morning at 5am. When I tried to rock her and give her some milk with the intent to put her back in her bed, she did the whole back-arching thing and roaring at me. I got very close to setting her little booty back in her crib, turning on her aquarium and l.e.a.v.i.n.g.
I tried to remember that she feels bad, but it is really hard when you have a small child screaming bloody murder right in your ear and Big Brother is right down the hall! Man o man, what a freaking day. What a week, really!
She went to the Dr. yesterday (yes, we are just making it a daily trip these days...) and he said she had an irritated throat. Checked for strep (Oh Dear God, please don't make me go through this again). It was negative. So, it's viral. Don't send her to babysitter. Don't go to work. He did prescribe her Paregoric for her. She is getting at least 4 teeth--2 of them are molars. And you know that's gotta hurt. Anyone else have any experience with Paregoric?
Ok. Now to the good stuff. I started a job part time at our church. It is Methodist-based, and SOOOOOOOOO cool. I am the Administrative Assistant to the person in charge of Family Ministry. She is the interim Children's Minister right now. My job is a bunch of different things, from filing and paperwork to making brochures and media-type stuff for the Children's Ministry. I really like it. It is part time-20 hours a week and I can work from home quite a bit. I do go in 3 days a week and then on Sunday. I really like it. It is a learning experience and I enjoy the creative outlet...not to mention the fact that I get a break from my beautiful children.
That's all for now. I have a home sales party to go to--which means free desserts and cool things to buy!
Any of you deal with breathing treatments? Dr. is saying not to call it allergies or asthma that it may just be a reaction to some type of virus or Bronchitis that he could've even caught while in the hospital getting his tonsils out! My poor boy has been sick for over a month though!
OK. Here is a serious update. Get something to drink because if I get to tell you all that I want and need to, you'll get thirsty and/or hungry!
First things first:
Psychologist--hmmmmm, how do I make this short? She was an older lady, grey-ish hair, frumpy, etc, which was all fine until she started to pick her ear with her fingernail. She continued to do this until our session ended whereby I found myself staring at the white crumbly deposits left on her black lapel. Needless to say, I was a little distracted. To top it off, while I was rescheduling for my next appointment, she says to me, "My ear is really itching" and then took her fingernail and swiped it around her ear and then flicked it off. EWWWWWW! I just couldn't go back. It took all that was within me not to say anything. I wonder if she noticed how I was just staring at her with my mouth gaping open?
That's my psychology appointment. I did learn (while not watching ear crumbs fall) that this situation with my MIL is not my fault. I did nothing wrong. I will have to realize that this is her problem. Not mine. And that it will never go away. I just have to learn how to deal with it. I basically already knew this, but hearing it from a professional is just what I needed. Now I have to find one that has clean ears. I have another appointment in December. Stay tuned.
Ok. Next on the list. Big Brother has been coughing since having his tonsils and adenoids removed mid-October. The ENT thought it was mucus, etc. from his adenoids. Then when it continued, he put him in Singulair. This did nothing. We have been through a week of Singulair and a full bottle of Delsym and 2 boxes of Mucinex. My next purchase was Zyrtec. This didn't help either. Made an appointment with Pediatrician. Big Brother has Respiratory Airway Disease, or something like that. His Bronchial System is in bad shape. They put him on a Nebulizer, and doing breathing treatments for 3 times a day. 3 TIMES A DAY!!! He's on that thing like 20 minutes at a time. They put him on Pulmacort and Xenopex or something like that. One takes care of the 'immediate' situations and one is for 'maintenance'. Big Brother was less than enthusiastic to breathe through a mask. They even found a cute fishy one. He wasn't having it. I go to hold the tube in front of his face while he took in the meds.
We just did another one. He did better and let Daddy put on the mask. We had to go and get a Nebulizer at the hospital too. Man, this must happen to so many kids. These Nebulizer people are making bundles! He had so many to choose from--a penguin, a cow, a yellow taxi, etc., and the one he picked was Legos. You build with Legos on the dang thing. Of course he'd find one that has toys to go with it. I told him those are his Breathing Treatment Legos and he can only play with them when he is doing his breathing treatments. So far, so good. We'll see. He's way into the Legos.
Miss Bug has some sort of virus which means she has a fever and can't go to school which means I can't go to work! This also means that she is up at least half the damn night crying and yelling at me! I swear, to be so young she is the boss of this house! I think she was more pissed off than anything. She was up at 11, 3 and then up for the morning at 5am. When I tried to rock her and give her some milk with the intent to put her back in her bed, she did the whole back-arching thing and roaring at me. I got very close to setting her little booty back in her crib, turning on her aquarium and l.e.a.v.i.n.g.
I tried to remember that she feels bad, but it is really hard when you have a small child screaming bloody murder right in your ear and Big Brother is right down the hall! Man o man, what a freaking day. What a week, really!
She went to the Dr. yesterday (yes, we are just making it a daily trip these days...) and he said she had an irritated throat. Checked for strep (Oh Dear God, please don't make me go through this again). It was negative. So, it's viral. Don't send her to babysitter. Don't go to work. He did prescribe her Paregoric for her. She is getting at least 4 teeth--2 of them are molars. And you know that's gotta hurt. Anyone else have any experience with Paregoric?
Ok. Now to the good stuff. I started a job part time at our church. It is Methodist-based, and SOOOOOOOOO cool. I am the Administrative Assistant to the person in charge of Family Ministry. She is the interim Children's Minister right now. My job is a bunch of different things, from filing and paperwork to making brochures and media-type stuff for the Children's Ministry. I really like it. It is part time-20 hours a week and I can work from home quite a bit. I do go in 3 days a week and then on Sunday. I really like it. It is a learning experience and I enjoy the creative outlet...not to mention the fact that I get a break from my beautiful children.
That's all for now. I have a home sales party to go to--which means free desserts and cool things to buy!
Any of you deal with breathing treatments? Dr. is saying not to call it allergies or asthma that it may just be a reaction to some type of virus or Bronchitis that he could've even caught while in the hospital getting his tonsils out! My poor boy has been sick for over a month though!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Here we go again......
So, I don't really have to type much on this post per say. All I am going to do is do a cut&paste from my email. The first one is an update I sent out to family and friends (the orange part). The second part is my MIL's response (the green part). The third is my response to her email-orange again.
Hello everyone! A few updates:
-Thanks so much for the phone calls and birthday wishes on Facebook, etc...! I had a good day--including birthday song and cake from my family!
-Big Brother is almost well, seeing as how it has been OVER two weeks since his tonsil/adenoid surgery! He still has a cough. We are working on that. He still strains a little when he swallows, but the doctor gave us the OK to eat whatever he wants starting today. I'm sure when we pop some popcorn tonight for a snack he will be SOOO excited!
-Several of you have asked about my cousin, who was diagnosed with cancer. He is doing better. He has been going through rounds of chemo, still has his hair, and is keeping up with a positive attitude! I will see him over Thanksgiving. For those of you who have asked for his address, I will be sending it individually to your email.
-Here are some Halloween pictures. The kids did great and Miss Bug trick-or-treated as long as Big Brother did--the party animal that she is! Then she was OUT and Big Brother loved giving out the candy.
We hope you had a fun one..and would love to see pictures of you, too!
Love ,
Mad about Plaid Girl Family
Dear Mad About Plaid Girl,
Since you did not mention receiving cards or gifts through the mail, are you saying that you did not receive our birthday card and check? We sent it in plenty of time - along with Halloween cards for Big Brother and Miss Bug.
I don't know anything about Facebook.
Loved the pictures.
MIL
Yes, I received your cards. The one for me and the ones for the kids. Thank you very much. That was included in the 'well wishes on Facebook, etc' part. The kids liked their cards and John enjoyed playing with his--the cut-outs, etc. A thank-you for the money has already been mailed out.
Did you get any trick-or-treaters?
So would you like to decide for yourself on how I'm feeling? I tried to be cordial. I even asked if she got any trick-or-treaters! I'm still waiting for a response to that one.
She is upset because I didn't recognize/acknowledge HER. And they didn't call me on my birthday for the first time ever since Hubby and I have been married. I am well aware that she didn't call me. She is well aware of it, too. I have to admit, in all honesty, I didn't talk to them on either of their birthdays. Hubby called them. They are his parents for crying out loud. This is not uncommon. Sometimes I talk to them on their bdays. Sometimes I don't. I did make sure that presents and cards were sent and on time for each of their birthdays. And it was my handwriting on the cards or packages that were mailed out!
It is like everything has to be turned around to be about her. She wants recognition all the time, for everything. She didn't even give me a chance to say thank you to her yet. My bday was on the 30th. I got the cards on that day (so much for 'sending them in plenty of time' as her email states), and mailed out my thank-you promptly on the 31st.
SOOOO, in the last 48 hours, I've made some decisions:
#1. I'm not opening any of her emails for now. I can't take it. It puts me over the edge--cranky, uptight, pissed off, hurt. Hubby told me to forward them to him and then immediately delete them. I'm all over that. This was the ONLY email I've sent out since the blow-up in July and this is how she responds. I'd like to block her, but that would start another blow-up and I'm trying to be the bigger person.
#2. I will no longer email her updates. I am even going to have HIM send the pics if he wants her to have some.
#2. I've called a counselor. I'm seeking professional help. If I'm going to have to have her in my own home over Christmas (yes, you read it correctly) and my husband's 40th birthday, I've got to be prepared mentally and emotionally. I've talked to my friends until I am blue in the face. This usually works. It isn't working. I need someone who can arm me with the words and confidence and power to not let her upset me.
I feel pretty good about it. I can't get in until next week and when she said, "What is the nature of the situation you are needing to discuss?" I told her, "My MIL--she's about to drive me crazy." And she said, "Oh girl. They can do that to you." It was funny. I don't go until next week. I'm wondering if I can bring a cot in and just park myself there for a day or two to have some detox time. You think they'd let me? HA!
Hello everyone! A few updates:
-Thanks so much for the phone calls and birthday wishes on Facebook, etc...! I had a good day--including birthday song and cake from my family!
-Big Brother is almost well, seeing as how it has been OVER two weeks since his tonsil/adenoid surgery! He still has a cough. We are working on that. He still strains a little when he swallows, but the doctor gave us the OK to eat whatever he wants starting today. I'm sure when we pop some popcorn tonight for a snack he will be SOOO excited!
-Several of you have asked about my cousin, who was diagnosed with cancer. He is doing better. He has been going through rounds of chemo, still has his hair, and is keeping up with a positive attitude! I will see him over Thanksgiving. For those of you who have asked for his address, I will be sending it individually to your email.
-Here are some Halloween pictures. The kids did great and Miss Bug trick-or-treated as long as Big Brother did--the party animal that she is! Then she was OUT and Big Brother loved giving out the candy.
We hope you had a fun one..and would love to see pictures of you, too!
Love ,
Mad about Plaid Girl Family
Dear Mad About Plaid Girl,
Since you did not mention receiving cards or gifts through the mail, are you saying that you did not receive our birthday card and check? We sent it in plenty of time - along with Halloween cards for Big Brother and Miss Bug.
I don't know anything about Facebook.
Loved the pictures.
MIL
Yes, I received your cards. The one for me and the ones for the kids. Thank you very much. That was included in the 'well wishes on Facebook, etc' part. The kids liked their cards and John enjoyed playing with his--the cut-outs, etc. A thank-you for the money has already been mailed out.
Did you get any trick-or-treaters?
So would you like to decide for yourself on how I'm feeling? I tried to be cordial. I even asked if she got any trick-or-treaters! I'm still waiting for a response to that one.
She is upset because I didn't recognize/acknowledge HER. And they didn't call me on my birthday for the first time ever since Hubby and I have been married. I am well aware that she didn't call me. She is well aware of it, too. I have to admit, in all honesty, I didn't talk to them on either of their birthdays. Hubby called them. They are his parents for crying out loud. This is not uncommon. Sometimes I talk to them on their bdays. Sometimes I don't. I did make sure that presents and cards were sent and on time for each of their birthdays. And it was my handwriting on the cards or packages that were mailed out!
It is like everything has to be turned around to be about her. She wants recognition all the time, for everything. She didn't even give me a chance to say thank you to her yet. My bday was on the 30th. I got the cards on that day (so much for 'sending them in plenty of time' as her email states), and mailed out my thank-you promptly on the 31st.
SOOOO, in the last 48 hours, I've made some decisions:
#1. I'm not opening any of her emails for now. I can't take it. It puts me over the edge--cranky, uptight, pissed off, hurt. Hubby told me to forward them to him and then immediately delete them. I'm all over that. This was the ONLY email I've sent out since the blow-up in July and this is how she responds. I'd like to block her, but that would start another blow-up and I'm trying to be the bigger person.
#2. I will no longer email her updates. I am even going to have HIM send the pics if he wants her to have some.
#2. I've called a counselor. I'm seeking professional help. If I'm going to have to have her in my own home over Christmas (yes, you read it correctly) and my husband's 40th birthday, I've got to be prepared mentally and emotionally. I've talked to my friends until I am blue in the face. This usually works. It isn't working. I need someone who can arm me with the words and confidence and power to not let her upset me.
I feel pretty good about it. I can't get in until next week and when she said, "What is the nature of the situation you are needing to discuss?" I told her, "My MIL--she's about to drive me crazy." And she said, "Oh girl. They can do that to you." It was funny. I don't go until next week. I'm wondering if I can bring a cot in and just park myself there for a day or two to have some detox time. You think they'd let me? HA!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Busy Busy Busy... a list
#1. How 'bout them Gators? SO thrilled to have them whip up on GA and live here to talk some schmack about it...even if it happens to be at church on Sunday morning!
#2. Will post Halloween pics soon. We have had company in town......not much computer time.
#3. More Mother in Law crap. She is killing me. I swear I'm getting very close to going to get paid help to survive it! Will post that soon. Just not ready to revisit it yet.
#4. Got money for my birthday last week and I'm going shopping soon! WHEW HEW! I turned 36 on the 30th of October.
#5. I love you guys. I love reading my comments and how helpful and supportive you are. Just goes to show that when you have crappy mother in laws that there are so many other people out there who care about you and appreciate and love you for who you really are.
#2. Will post Halloween pics soon. We have had company in town......not much computer time.
#3. More Mother in Law crap. She is killing me. I swear I'm getting very close to going to get paid help to survive it! Will post that soon. Just not ready to revisit it yet.
#4. Got money for my birthday last week and I'm going shopping soon! WHEW HEW! I turned 36 on the 30th of October.
#5. I love you guys. I love reading my comments and how helpful and supportive you are. Just goes to show that when you have crappy mother in laws that there are so many other people out there who care about you and appreciate and love you for who you really are.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Loving my plastic!
Thanks to Mommy's On Vacation for my special little card. How considerate of you. And yes, I could use a little retail therapy after dealing with Big Brother's Tonsillectomy and now---are you ready for this---the inlaws want to come for CHRISTMAS! For the love of all that's holy---what the hell am I going to do? I get to give up my bed to my mother-in-law, as well as give up my family's pleasant Christmas holiday for them.
Let the prayers and chants begin immediately......
More to come. I don't have the energy or time to give you the details yet, but they're coming. I'll try not to leave you hanging for too long.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
More MIL c-r-a-p
I must think of a more clever way to title my MIL drama posts. If you have any ideas, give me a shout. (And if you are new to the blog, just go to my labels and click on the MIL drama and you can get updated on the MIL situation.)
Here's the latest email from her. I just thought I'd copy and paste it. And to keep you up-to-date, I had sent out an email on how Big Brother was doing after having his tonsils and adenoids removed last Thursday. I changed his name to protect the innocent (*wink*wink*)
Here is what she says:
Good morning,
We are delighted and thankful that Big Brother's surgery went so well. Always be assured that all of you are in our daily prayers.
Please give Big Brother a kiss and hug for us and tell him how much we love him.
I am just now getting around to mailing Miss Bug's birthday card. We will have to give some thought for a present. I am sure she has everything she needs and most of what she wants. But there will be a present.
Thank you for the update,
MIL
And just so you know, I'm not even responding to this email. I've about decided that I'm going to have my husband read the emails and if he thinks I should/need to read them, then I will. Otherwise, I'm deleting them. She sends them to him, too, so he can be the communicator. It is about the only thing I can do other than really going off on her. I keep telling myself (and receiving gentle reminders from the husband) to be the bigger person. I swear to you people, I'm 5'2" but she makes me reach about 7 feet. I am telling you, I can't get much bigger, taller, whatever. I'm going to need handicap access very soon at the rate I'm going.
Am I just being too sensitive? The first paragraph about Big Brother didn't really bother me. Yes, he was supposed to have his surgery on the 6th. They were to be on their trip to Italy. They said they'd pray, yadda, yadda, yadda. But no phone call was to be expected. (I won't be like that when I have grandkids, but whatev.) Then his surgery got postponed due to freaking Strep throat coming on the night before, so I sent out an email about that. So, they got home on the 15th, and, as expected, were jetlagged. That is fine. But when Husband called them on the 16th in the afternoon to update them on Big Brother's surgery, his dad says that he knew it was postponed because he checked his email when he got home.
OK, so why no phone call? Still, this doesn't really set me over the edge or make my blood pressure rise.
But the part about Miss Bug's FIRST FREAKING BIRTHDAY and how she hasn't gotten around to sending a card, and that 'I"m sure she has everything she needs and most everything she wants....." is obnoxious.
The point is that she is your granddaughter.
She turned one.
It's the THOUGHT THAT COUNTS..........hellllloooooooooo?
And please, don't break a sweat making sure that you send her a present. Really, don't bother. We wouldn't want to put you out or anything.
Can you guys tell I'm so incredibly pissed off at her? I can't even stand it. It just makes my eyes bulge out and smoke blow out of my nose!!! And I know this is blogger world, so I shouldn't drop the F bomb in every other word, so if you are an F bomb kind of girl, please place it where you see necessary, or just place it in between every other word, because that is how I'm feeling!!!!
So am I too sensitive?
I just want to go off. I just want to shout to the rooftops that she is missing out on one of the best things in life--children/grandchildren. MY CHILDREN! HER GRANDCHILDREN! But then I just remember that she would hurt them anyway because she is so selfish, so it is better that we keep our distance. I remain calm in her eyes and just don't respond. But girls, in my own little closet here where my computer is, I'm really really mad. And really really hurt.
I have wondered why I blog and what it does for me. And I'm beginning to realize that this might turn into one of the best things in my life--a way for me to vent, be 'heard' and find support from others.
Thanks for listening! And I've not forgotten about posting pics from Miss Bug's birthday party last week. They are still coming! :)
Here's the latest email from her. I just thought I'd copy and paste it. And to keep you up-to-date, I had sent out an email on how Big Brother was doing after having his tonsils and adenoids removed last Thursday. I changed his name to protect the innocent (*wink*wink*)
Here is what she says:
Good morning,
We are delighted and thankful that Big Brother's surgery went so well. Always be assured that all of you are in our daily prayers.
Please give Big Brother a kiss and hug for us and tell him how much we love him.
I am just now getting around to mailing Miss Bug's birthday card. We will have to give some thought for a present. I am sure she has everything she needs and most of what she wants. But there will be a present.
Thank you for the update,
MIL
And just so you know, I'm not even responding to this email. I've about decided that I'm going to have my husband read the emails and if he thinks I should/need to read them, then I will. Otherwise, I'm deleting them. She sends them to him, too, so he can be the communicator. It is about the only thing I can do other than really going off on her. I keep telling myself (and receiving gentle reminders from the husband) to be the bigger person. I swear to you people, I'm 5'2" but she makes me reach about 7 feet. I am telling you, I can't get much bigger, taller, whatever. I'm going to need handicap access very soon at the rate I'm going.
Am I just being too sensitive? The first paragraph about Big Brother didn't really bother me. Yes, he was supposed to have his surgery on the 6th. They were to be on their trip to Italy. They said they'd pray, yadda, yadda, yadda. But no phone call was to be expected. (I won't be like that when I have grandkids, but whatev.) Then his surgery got postponed due to freaking Strep throat coming on the night before, so I sent out an email about that. So, they got home on the 15th, and, as expected, were jetlagged. That is fine. But when Husband called them on the 16th in the afternoon to update them on Big Brother's surgery, his dad says that he knew it was postponed because he checked his email when he got home.
OK, so why no phone call? Still, this doesn't really set me over the edge or make my blood pressure rise.
But the part about Miss Bug's FIRST FREAKING BIRTHDAY and how she hasn't gotten around to sending a card, and that 'I"m sure she has everything she needs and most everything she wants....." is obnoxious.
The point is that she is your granddaughter.
She turned one.
It's the THOUGHT THAT COUNTS..........hellllloooooooooo?
And please, don't break a sweat making sure that you send her a present. Really, don't bother. We wouldn't want to put you out or anything.
Can you guys tell I'm so incredibly pissed off at her? I can't even stand it. It just makes my eyes bulge out and smoke blow out of my nose!!! And I know this is blogger world, so I shouldn't drop the F bomb in every other word, so if you are an F bomb kind of girl, please place it where you see necessary, or just place it in between every other word, because that is how I'm feeling!!!!
So am I too sensitive?
I just want to go off. I just want to shout to the rooftops that she is missing out on one of the best things in life--children/grandchildren. MY CHILDREN! HER GRANDCHILDREN! But then I just remember that she would hurt them anyway because she is so selfish, so it is better that we keep our distance. I remain calm in her eyes and just don't respond. But girls, in my own little closet here where my computer is, I'm really really mad. And really really hurt.
I have wondered why I blog and what it does for me. And I'm beginning to realize that this might turn into one of the best things in my life--a way for me to vent, be 'heard' and find support from others.
Thanks for listening! And I've not forgotten about posting pics from Miss Bug's birthday party last week. They are still coming! :)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
MIL Drama Update
Thanks so much for your support. I took a chance by posting about my MIL and you guys were so kind and supportive. I was surprised to see so many of you have the same problems/situations as I do with MIL's. It's amazing. I guess I should say 'People' are amazing.
I've been seriously contemplating writing her a letter and giving her 'my side' of the story. It wouldn't be used as a means for getting to go off on her (though that would be nice) but just to respond to all of the accusations, etc, that she made while on the phone with me. I felt somewhat blind-sided by what she did. But as I continue to mull over this whole drama in my head I am coming to the conclusion of not doing anything. I know it won't do any good. That wasn't the reason for doing it. It was to be able to respond, give my 2 cents if you will. But I think it will just make me madder in the end. It will just rehash more shit that doesn't need to be rehashed. Let her be the fool who opens her mouth. For a change, I'll be the one to be quiet. And I'm not a quiet person.
I think it will just be easier to let this die. Of course it will be filed away in my mental Rolodex and the next time I am sending out handmade cards with pics of the kids on them, or a cute email that I could share about something my kids did, I'll just bypass her. This is so against my fiber, but I must do it in order to keep myself from getting hurt. I must keep a barrier up. Don't get me wrong. They'll still get the typical birthday cards and presents and holidays will be recognized, but nothing extra. These people are my husband's parents, not mine. We will never see eye-t0-eye and the quicker that I learn to keep them at a distance, the better off I am.
It pains me!
By the way, I do have some blogger awards that have been given to me and I'll attach them in a separate post. Thanks so much for reading, commenting and supporting. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and not crazy..........well at least not alone...the crazy part is yet to be determined!
XOXOXO
Mad About Plaid Girl
I've been seriously contemplating writing her a letter and giving her 'my side' of the story. It wouldn't be used as a means for getting to go off on her (though that would be nice) but just to respond to all of the accusations, etc, that she made while on the phone with me. I felt somewhat blind-sided by what she did. But as I continue to mull over this whole drama in my head I am coming to the conclusion of not doing anything. I know it won't do any good. That wasn't the reason for doing it. It was to be able to respond, give my 2 cents if you will. But I think it will just make me madder in the end. It will just rehash more shit that doesn't need to be rehashed. Let her be the fool who opens her mouth. For a change, I'll be the one to be quiet. And I'm not a quiet person.
I think it will just be easier to let this die. Of course it will be filed away in my mental Rolodex and the next time I am sending out handmade cards with pics of the kids on them, or a cute email that I could share about something my kids did, I'll just bypass her. This is so against my fiber, but I must do it in order to keep myself from getting hurt. I must keep a barrier up. Don't get me wrong. They'll still get the typical birthday cards and presents and holidays will be recognized, but nothing extra. These people are my husband's parents, not mine. We will never see eye-t0-eye and the quicker that I learn to keep them at a distance, the better off I am.
It pains me!
By the way, I do have some blogger awards that have been given to me and I'll attach them in a separate post. Thanks so much for reading, commenting and supporting. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and not crazy..........well at least not alone...the crazy part is yet to be determined!
XOXOXO
Mad About Plaid Girl
Monday, August 25, 2008
A Bit Deeper...
I've kept this blogging thing somewhat 'light' because I'm never sure who is going to read it. My husband reads it, and I'm usually okay with it, though sometimes I wish he didn't. Sometimes I wish it could be 'our little secret--just between us girls'. A girl needs to vent. And that is what I'm about to do:
Here's the story. I don't even know how or where to start. I am having MIL drama. We live about 6 1/2 hours from the in-laws and see them every so often. We had a plan to go and see them this past July when I find out from my MIL that she feels like we use them. Yes, you read it right. She mentions this in passing to my hubby over the phone and when he tells me all that she said I'm like 'hey, back the truck up..she said WHAT?" So, I decide to calmly call her. I tell her that Husband told me that they feel used when we come and visit them. She said that it's not only her but my FIL too. I talk to FIL and he says that he feels used 'sometimes.'
Now let me explain something to you. We live 6 1/2 hours from them. We visit them, ohhh let's say maybe 3 times a year. Husband's brother and sister and their families live there, too. We usually go there, stay about 3 or 4 days. We visit everyone. I'm somewhat close to my SIL so we do some things just us. We usually all have dinner together, and do some stuff together--shopping, check out downtown, that sort of stuff. Many times we've gone there because it was someone's graduation, a bike race, some event going on.
We were going there this time because it was hubby's 20 year high school reunion. So, when I call and ask her this she says yes. Apparently they don't like it that we go and do other things while we are there. Now let me inform you that we do things with them. Sometimes I'll do some things with the MIL, sometimes I'll do things with the SIL. Husband goes and runs errands with his dad or does yard work, etc. I guess what this is coming down to is that they feel like when we go there that we just use them to sleep in their house and then go run around and do stuff.
Well, yes we do go and do stuff...with them. We have never asked them to watch our kids or anything. But we found out that apparently they want us to do more stuff with them.
Don't you think ya could've found a different way to say that?
I know you guys don't know me too well, but let me tell you one thing. I'm a giver. I try to be a really good person. I take the time to send cards 'just because'. I make homemade things for presents when I can. I email updates. I take pictures and send them. I make courtesy phone calls. I have my son call them. I encourage him to make cards, form relationships with them. I even went to Hilton Head one time BY MYSELF to see them and stayed in a room with my 2 children and nephew and breastfed my daughter in the middle of the night with the son and nephew sleeping in the bed next to me and my husband wasn't there.....I went for him....to be nice.........to be a good DIL. Did they help me at all with my kids? Not so much. Will I be doing this again--going over and beyond the DIL call of duty? Not so much.
I told her that in no way would we ever want them to feel like we are using them and that we would not be staying with them for the HS Reunion. Can you believe a parent would say this to a child? I came from a home where it was considered our home........mi casa, su casa.
I'm so hurt. I haven't really said much since then to them. I just can't get over this though. I am struggling with the fact that they think we use them.
And then this past weekend a cousin wanted to go stay with them while he looked into some recruiting of that area's college football team. Is THAT not using someone? I like to call it visiting with perks.
For example: When we lived in Colorado, people would come and visit us and go skiing --without us. Did we feel used? OF course not!
Living here, friends/people have come and stayed with us while they had conventions here. Did we feel used? No, we enjoyed the time they were not at the convention.
We've gone to friend's homes in Orlando and stayed with them and then went to Sea World. Did they feel used? No, they were just bummed that they couldn't go to Sea World with us because of that dang thing called a job!
I'm going to eventually call the MIL. I am going to write down all the things I feel, organize them and make a script type of thing for me to keep my head in order and feelings out there on the table. I feel like she just dropped a bomb on us and then went on about her day, relieved that she'd emptied out her negative feelings on us. I have all these feelings stuffed inside and nowhere to put them.
Here's the problem: will it even make any difference if I talk to her? Probably not...you can't talk rationally to an irrational person. I have to keep telling myself that. She is irrational, selfish and immature....and twice my age.
I'm just so hurt. This is not what a family is like to me. I didn't grow up around this. My parents practically push us out the door to go and do and get away and enjoy what the area has to offer or visit with friends. We go and do as we please and they tell us that their house is as much ours as it is theirs. They tell us to leave the kids and go--enjoy some free time.
Hubby, I'm sorry if you are upset that I'm blogging about this, but it is better than calling up the MIL, wouldn't you say?
I have prayed about this quite a bit too. I am just hurt. I'm sure I've not told you everything about it because I can't remember it all, but I hope this all sounds clear.
After a day or two, my husband called them and told them that we wouldn't be going on our yearly family vacation with them because we don't want them to feel used. He also made the following arrangements (which are ridiculous by the way, but apparently necessary):
#1. We will only visit them when invited.
#2. We will stay in a hotel (I'm so looking forward to spending my money on a mother-freaking hotel stay)
#3. We will have an agreed-upon agenda and if there is a spot in there that there aren't plans with them then we can do whatever the hell we want.
Doesn't that sound inviting? Don't you want to go visit with us?
Pray for me girlfriends. I need it.
Here's the story. I don't even know how or where to start. I am having MIL drama. We live about 6 1/2 hours from the in-laws and see them every so often. We had a plan to go and see them this past July when I find out from my MIL that she feels like we use them. Yes, you read it right. She mentions this in passing to my hubby over the phone and when he tells me all that she said I'm like 'hey, back the truck up..she said WHAT?" So, I decide to calmly call her. I tell her that Husband told me that they feel used when we come and visit them. She said that it's not only her but my FIL too. I talk to FIL and he says that he feels used 'sometimes.'
Now let me explain something to you. We live 6 1/2 hours from them. We visit them, ohhh let's say maybe 3 times a year. Husband's brother and sister and their families live there, too. We usually go there, stay about 3 or 4 days. We visit everyone. I'm somewhat close to my SIL so we do some things just us. We usually all have dinner together, and do some stuff together--shopping, check out downtown, that sort of stuff. Many times we've gone there because it was someone's graduation, a bike race, some event going on.
We were going there this time because it was hubby's 20 year high school reunion. So, when I call and ask her this she says yes. Apparently they don't like it that we go and do other things while we are there. Now let me inform you that we do things with them. Sometimes I'll do some things with the MIL, sometimes I'll do things with the SIL. Husband goes and runs errands with his dad or does yard work, etc. I guess what this is coming down to is that they feel like when we go there that we just use them to sleep in their house and then go run around and do stuff.
Well, yes we do go and do stuff...with them. We have never asked them to watch our kids or anything. But we found out that apparently they want us to do more stuff with them.
Don't you think ya could've found a different way to say that?
I know you guys don't know me too well, but let me tell you one thing. I'm a giver. I try to be a really good person. I take the time to send cards 'just because'. I make homemade things for presents when I can. I email updates. I take pictures and send them. I make courtesy phone calls. I have my son call them. I encourage him to make cards, form relationships with them. I even went to Hilton Head one time BY MYSELF to see them and stayed in a room with my 2 children and nephew and breastfed my daughter in the middle of the night with the son and nephew sleeping in the bed next to me and my husband wasn't there.....I went for him....to be nice.........to be a good DIL. Did they help me at all with my kids? Not so much. Will I be doing this again--going over and beyond the DIL call of duty? Not so much.
I told her that in no way would we ever want them to feel like we are using them and that we would not be staying with them for the HS Reunion. Can you believe a parent would say this to a child? I came from a home where it was considered our home........mi casa, su casa.
I'm so hurt. I haven't really said much since then to them. I just can't get over this though. I am struggling with the fact that they think we use them.
And then this past weekend a cousin wanted to go stay with them while he looked into some recruiting of that area's college football team. Is THAT not using someone? I like to call it visiting with perks.
For example: When we lived in Colorado, people would come and visit us and go skiing --without us. Did we feel used? OF course not!
Living here, friends/people have come and stayed with us while they had conventions here. Did we feel used? No, we enjoyed the time they were not at the convention.
We've gone to friend's homes in Orlando and stayed with them and then went to Sea World. Did they feel used? No, they were just bummed that they couldn't go to Sea World with us because of that dang thing called a job!
I'm going to eventually call the MIL. I am going to write down all the things I feel, organize them and make a script type of thing for me to keep my head in order and feelings out there on the table. I feel like she just dropped a bomb on us and then went on about her day, relieved that she'd emptied out her negative feelings on us. I have all these feelings stuffed inside and nowhere to put them.
Here's the problem: will it even make any difference if I talk to her? Probably not...you can't talk rationally to an irrational person. I have to keep telling myself that. She is irrational, selfish and immature....and twice my age.
I'm just so hurt. This is not what a family is like to me. I didn't grow up around this. My parents practically push us out the door to go and do and get away and enjoy what the area has to offer or visit with friends. We go and do as we please and they tell us that their house is as much ours as it is theirs. They tell us to leave the kids and go--enjoy some free time.
Hubby, I'm sorry if you are upset that I'm blogging about this, but it is better than calling up the MIL, wouldn't you say?
I have prayed about this quite a bit too. I am just hurt. I'm sure I've not told you everything about it because I can't remember it all, but I hope this all sounds clear.
After a day or two, my husband called them and told them that we wouldn't be going on our yearly family vacation with them because we don't want them to feel used. He also made the following arrangements (which are ridiculous by the way, but apparently necessary):
#1. We will only visit them when invited.
#2. We will stay in a hotel (I'm so looking forward to spending my money on a mother-freaking hotel stay)
#3. We will have an agreed-upon agenda and if there is a spot in there that there aren't plans with them then we can do whatever the hell we want.
Doesn't that sound inviting? Don't you want to go visit with us?
Pray for me girlfriends. I need it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
